Posts Tagged ‘uninformed crap’

by: Tony Leva
email: tonytrucker1969@gmail.com

A Leader is Born

As much as I’ve loved what I’ve seen from young Anthony Rizzo both with the bat and with his glove, he really showed me something I didn’t expect from a player of his age and experience.  During a game against the Braves on July 2nd, a ground ball was hit to shortstop Starlin Castro by Dan Uggla.  After fielding the ball, Castro hesitated before throwing over to first base.  Uggla beat the late throw and many, me included, assumed it was just another brain fart/concentration issue for Starlin.  After the Braves were retired, Castro was immediately called over by manager Dale Sveum, presumably for a “keep your head out of your ass” lecture.  He’s gotten them before and I applaud Sveum for doing so.  But this time, there was a wrinkle.

The Riz went right up to Sveum and said it was his fault, that he took too long to get back to the bag.  Uggla is a right-handed hitter and an extreme pull hitter.  The Cubs infielders were swung around in a shift, leaving The Riz playing far off the bag near the hole.  When the grounder was hit, Rizzo was late to break to first, causing the hesitation on Castro’s part.  Now, many young players who made a mistake like that would see that their manager was ready to lay the blame on another.  He could have slipped into the dugout unnoticed, let Castro take the blame from Sveum and the fans who want to blame him for everything, and nobody would have been the wiser.

But The Riz isn’t just any young player.

He did what a leader does….immediately owned the blame.  He didn’t look to pass the buck.  At age 22, The Riz was ready, willing and able to step up like a veteran player, own up to a mistake and accept any consequences that came of it.  Sveum accepted the explanation and I’m sure was impressed at the maturity level of a young rookie, only 22 years old, already looking out for a teammate. You don’t see that in a whole lot of youngsters.  A leadership role is something some need to grow into.  You need a certain level of confidence in yourself to be able to take charge of others in a team sport.  Some are born with it and have always done it.  Jonathan Toews is a perfect example.  The Riz seems to be another.

When the Cubs were winning divisions in 2007 and 08, they didn’t really have a take-charge guy.  The closest they got was a guy like Derrek Lee, who never seemed like a strong personality or someone the other players took their cues from.  Building a winning team involves more than getting good hitters and pitchers.  You need players who can lead and impose a winning attitude upon the entire clubhouse or locker room.  Taking the blame like The Riz did is the type of thing that others notice and admire.  Players with this type of attitude and makeup are what TheoCo are trying to acquire along with talent.  I think they can mark this one in the positive side of the ledger.

The PSU Investigation Report

I’m not going to hammer on this topic.  There is plenty out there online about the release of the Freeh report and the ensuing reactions and emotions.  You can’t escape it.   I’ll therefore try to be brief….

What the Freeh investigation proved was that coach Joe Paterno, PSU president Graham Spanier, PSU vice-president Gary Schultz and athletic director Tim Curley all actively engaged in a massive cover-up of the activities of Jerry Sandusky.  Four insanely powerful and influential men did nothing to stop a serial rapist from perpetuating his vile activities, even allowing him unrestricted access to on-campus buildings and facilities, accompanied by numerous children (read: victims) for years even after they knew he had been under investigation for abusing children.  This had been suspected, but it’s now been proven.

The PSU program, termed “The Grand Experiment” was built by Paterno was built on a foundation of integrity, honesty and honor.  Paterno preached all of that and the PSU power-that-be embraced it.  It turned out to be a house of cards, built on a foundation of lies.  Integrity?  Please spare me.  Honesty?  Paterno lied to the grand jury about what he knew and when he knew it.  Honor?  Not a chance.  The entirety of PSU has been dishonored by the actions of those four and others like Mike McQueary, who saw Sandusky raping a kid on campus in the showers of the athletic building and did nothing to stop it.

There is no more defending any of those involved.   There is no more trying to justify Paterno’s reporting of the shower incident to his superiors.  There are no more questions about who knew what or when they knew it.  I do have one question though….who fits this definition?

sociopath, noun….a person with a psychopathic personality  whose behavior is anti-social,  often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

There are at least four acceptable answers I can think of here.  I’m sure you can figure them out because they fit them to a T.

Lying Thievery is Alive and Well

I’m not bitching about the recent dispute with Viacom that resulted in DTV dropping the Viacom network’s channels….MTV, VH1, Nickelodeon and all their attendant channels, Comedy Central and a bunch of others.  That’s just a couple of fat kids holding their breath over who gets the bigger slice of the 16″ pizza in front of them.  There’s more than enough for both, yet they’re acting like spoiled little assholes.  But I digress….

No, what I’m bitching about is that DTV lied to or misled me from the beginning about what channels they offered, what their DVR capabilities were and the functionality of those DVRs.  I’ve burned thru more anytime minutes on my phone (good thing I have an unlimited plan) with these clowns than Keith Richards blew thru coke in the 70’s.  Well, maybe not.  But the point remains….DTV sucks a big fat hairy cock and my opinion won’t change until they make their service call Sunday and try to set this shit straight.

My money says they still fuck it up.

by: Tony Leva
email: tonytrucker1969@gmail.com

The Riz’s Big Week

As of this writing, The Riz has played 9 games for the Cubs as the most hyped prospect since Mark Prior burst onto the scene in 2002.  So far, The Riz has put up a .323/.344/.710 slash line with 3 home runs (all of which were impressive for different reasons that I’ll get to) and a kickass OPS of 1.053.  Even though some are calling him Our Savior (I’m not copyrighting that one), he’s not.  He is just a kid still learning how to play the game and tap into that skill set he has.  Being a savior means you and you alone are responsible for a team’s success.  Theo Epstein is not a savior.  Nor are Jed Hoyer or Jason MacLeod.  They, along with The Riz and other young talents on the way, are all pieces of a big picture.  But I digress….back to getting my Riz-boner going.  Let’s take a quick look at his homeruns…

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This was The Riz’s first Cubs home run.  There was undue pressure on this kid to be the Next Big Thing and all us Cubs fans were anxious to see if he could live up to even a bit of the hype.  Getting this first homer out-of-the-way was a load off his mind.  He also hit it a ton and we all watched it soar majestically into the RF seats.  It gave us a lead and we won the game.  Hitting a game-winner for your introduction to Cubs fans absolutely met our expectations.  On to homer two…

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Coming against one of baseball’s better young pitchers, Tommy Hanson, this homer gave the Cubs a 1-0 lead in a game they’d end up winning 4-1.  The Cubs don’t play very well in Atlanta, even when they have a good team, which they clearly don’t this season.   While hitting the homer was important, it carried two impressive factors….the sound and where it went.  Listen again to the sound the bat makes when The Riz makes contact.  That is some serious shit.  It’s a CRACK! that resounded through the park and made you turn your head to ask, “”WHO HIT THAT BALL SO FUCKING HARD?”  Most players don’t produce such a crack-of-the-bat reaction.  The Riz does.  The second factor is where that ball went and how it got there.  Not all players can hit to the opposite field with power, especially at 22 years old.  As CFer Michael Bourn starts back on the ball, he breaks into the “That bitch is gone” jog really quickly.  Bourn didn’t think that ball would carry so, as evidenced by where he was playing The Riz,….more straightaway than shifted over.  I don’t think anyone had scouted the oppo field power.  They now know.  Onto home run number three…

MLB isn’t letting us embed this one.

While this one was pulled, it was a different sort of shot than homer #1.  The first was a soaring, majestic bomb that took a couple seconds to leave the yard.  This was a goddamned bullet that screamed out of Turner Field with a flight-speed velocity that rivaled Katie Holmes’s sprint away from that whackjob she provided the beard for.  This ball traveled so fast that it rivaled myself looking for the new Kate Upton dance video.  (I’m not obsessed, I’m just in lust)  This homer also produced that great CRACK! sound that his second homer made.  In short, this kid can fucking RAKE at 22 years old.

“But Tony,” you say, “what about the glovework?  Can The Riz field or is he just a one-dimensional slugger?”  Well, here’s  a clip answering that question…

That run that The Riz cut down turned out to be kind of large….the Cubs won that game 3-2.  That was the game he hit homer #1, btw.  He’s doing it all!!  Seriously, he looks very comfortable at the big league level so far.  He’s not giving away at-bats.  He’s not been overmatched by anything yet.  He hasn’t been pressing and is letting the game come to him while he gains even more confidence and experience.  His makeup is as important as his baseball skillset and both have been fully displayed thus far.  Here’s hoping he keeps it going.

Minnesota Goes for It.

Hockey’s free agency started on Sunday the 1st and there were two huge free agents available….New Jersey’s Zach Parise, a center, and Nashville’s Ryan Suter, a defenseman.  Both are seen as the type of players who would inject some serious talent into whatever team landed them.  The Hawks had designs on both, especially Parise.  While the salary cap number for either player would be high, on the right team, it would likely be worth it.  Parise is a rugged power forward who can play on all special teams and has a nose for the puck.  Suter is a slick puck-moving d-man who may not be the physical d-man the Hawks need, any time you can add a Ryan Suter to your team, you’re better for it.  The evil bastards known as the Detroit Red Wings were thought to be a lock as the landing place for Suter, which didn’t bode well for the Hawks.  Parise was getting huge offers from various teams.  So what happened?

The lowly (well, maybe not anymore) Minnesota Wild, proud owners of 11 post-season wins since their inception in 2000, managed to land both prizes by giving them matching 13 year/$98M deals.  For those of you who suck at math like I do, that breaks down to a cap hit of $7.538 million per season.  While that much money would serve as an enticement to anyone to go live in Minnesota, the Wild had a couple built-in advantages.  Parise is from Minnesota and has plenty of family there, including his dad, former NHLer J.P. Parise. Suter’s wife hails from Minnesota and Suter himself is from nearby Wisconsin.  Add in the fact that these guys discussed playing together like LeBron and Wade and Chris Bosh did and it wasn’t in the cards for any other team to have a serious shot at these guys.

Too bad, although Detroit missing out on Suter makes me happy.

N.L. All-Star Kudos

Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey recently made the N.L. All Star team for the first time at age 37.  His struggles have been all over the media the past few months with the release of his new book.  I read it and was really impressed by his determination and sheer guts.  Born without an ulnar collateral ligament, kind of an important piece of anatomy for a guy who wants to throw a baseball for a living, living in sheer poverty for years, being sexually abused on numerous occasions as a youth and struggling to make it as a big league pitcher, Dickey never gave up on his dream.  Most other people would have found a job somewhere and taken care of his young and growing family.  Dickey persevered.  Dickey fought.  Dickey did the unthinkable and became a knuckleball pitcher.

For the baseball newbies, going from a conventional pitcher…fastball, curveball, another off-speed pitch….to a full-time knuckler is like nothing else I can imagine.  Not only did he become a knuckleballer, he’s one of the best pitchers in the game this season and earned that trip to Kansas City next week for an honor not many players earn the way he did.  When he enters that players clubhouse and dresses in his All Star uniform and later takes the field with and against young star players like Mike Trout, Chris Sale and Starlin Castro and future Hall of Famers like Chipper Jones and Derek Jeter and knowing he made it on his own terms and that he belongs with those guys, he’ll have me cheering for him as I have been since I finished his book.

I don’t like cheering for a member of the New York Mets, but I’ve no problem cheering for a guy like Dickey.  He’s earned more respect than most of us could ever hope to get.  Well done, R.A.

by: Tony Leva
email: tonytrucker1969@gmail.com

He has arrived!!

On Tuesday night, the TheoCo rebuilding project placed it’s first building block in place with the debut of Anthony Rizzo, a.k.a. The Riz. The deal for Rizzo was one of the first major trades TheoCo made since taking over in October. When TheoCo took over, the Cubs were lacking in impact prospects and the first priority was to stock the system with such prospects. Rizzo, a highly touted Boston Red Sox prospect, was dealt by Theo himself to San Diego as the centerpiece of the Adrian Gonzalez deal in December of 2010. The SD general manager at the time was Jed Hoyer, who currently holds that position with the Cubs. When Theo hired Hoyer and scouting director Jason McLeod to form TheoCo (I coined that one too, FYI. I’m a damned machine!), they immediately targeted The Riz and managed to wrangle a trade with the Padres to reunite them all here in Chicago.

As The Riz put up monster numbers for the Iowa Cubs, the team’s AAA affiliate, every Cubs fan was filled with anticipation of his arrival. With every majestic bomb of a homer The Riz hit, the fervor increased until his promotion was the most anticipated event in Cubdom since the lights were first turned on on 8/8/88. Here’s an example of what The Riz was doing down in Iowa. Try not to wet yourself with glee like I did….

The only thing holding him back was the service time issue. A player isn’t eligible for free agency until he has played 6 years in the big leagues. The Riz played 49 games with San Diego last season and accrued a small amount of time towards his free agency eligibility. By delaying his promotion, TheoCo ensured that The Riz will not be free agent-eligible until 2019. That extra season may loom large down the road when the Cubs should be contending with a mostly home-grown team. This is the plan and The Riz is the first brick in the wall. If Roger Waters reads this, go ahead and get pissy for stealing that line. Sue me.

LeBron joins The Club

With the Miami Heat’s winning of the 2011-12 NBA title*, LeBron James is no longer the Best Player to Never Win It All. His winning was inevitable as basketball is the sport best suited to having the best player win a title. It took a year longer than all those fake Heat fans (read: all of them) figured it would, but it happened nonetheless. Meanwhile, a funny thing happened…the world continued to spin on it’s axis, the sun rose in the East and Kate Upton remained scorching hot.


Yeah, so I’m a pig. Sue me after Waters is done with me.
Ed. Note – I love you Tony 

I don’t like how LeBron made his Decision. I didn’t like the Heat’s pre-season celebration before even playing a game with that lineup. I loved when they choked against Dallas last season and lost in the Finals. But he’s still a great player, the best on the planet right now, and he’s probably going to win a few more titles before he’s retired. That’s cool. He’ll never match Jordan for sheer accomplishment or competitiveness. He’ll never match Russell for total titles. He’ll never match Magic for charisma. He’ll never approach Kobe for likeability. That’s also cool with me. LeBron will be remembered for what he always will be….a great player without the killer instinct or drive to win that the greats had.

*Title asterisked because of the shortened season and Derrick Rose’s ACL injury.

Euro 2012

Yeah, like I’m going to talk about fucking soccer. Why? Because they’re flopping pussies.


Suck it, futbol.
Ed. Note – I hate you Tony.

by: Tony Leva
email: tonytrucker1969@gmail.com

For the seven of you who read my column (HI MOM!), I’m sorry I missed writing something last week. Sometimes, stupid real-life gets in the way. Let’s open the insightful sarcasm door and see what’s on the other side…..

Jorge Soler & the Cubs Draft

When Theo Epstein was hired as the Cubs’s President of Baseball Operations, his plan was to build from the ground up, talent-wise. Unfortunately, the new draft rules dictate a spending limit for both the First Year Player draft starting this season and for international signings, which kicks in next year. One of Theo’s strengths with the Red Sox was building through the draft by overdrafting players and then paying them more money than their slot dictated. Basically, he could draft a player who had big upside that wasn’t planning on signing a contract and offering big bucks as incentive. That is no longer possible. Nor is overpaying international players. This season was the last time a big money deal could be offered to those players, of which two were considered prizes, both of whom are Cuban….26 year old Yoenis Cespedes and 20-year-old Jorge Soler. Cespedes signed with the A’s before spring training, but Soler needed to establish residency outside of Cuba before signing a deal. It became quite the story.


Jorge and the Seven Dwarfs doesn’t sound like a typical story, does it?

Why the big deal about Soler? Scouts have been raving about him for a few years now. He projects as a 5 tool guy…he can hit for both power(1) and average(2), run(3), throw(4) and field(5). While he may not develop all those tools, the consensus is that he’ll be a plus outfielder defensively and will hit for legit power on the major league level. He has a great work ethic and loves the game. Add in the fact he’s already 6’3″ and 225 lbs at 20 years old and you have a guy who most scouts projected as a top 10 draftee if he were eligible for the draft this season. It’s obvious why he was a much sought-after commodity that inspired a bidding war. The Cubs, Yankees, Red Sox, Blue Jays and Dodgers all were in the mix to land him. But the new-look Cubs front office went the extra mile…something winners do….and signed him to a 9 year deal worth $30 million. Basically, they signed the last, best guy that could be signed under the old rules. This is huge and a big indicator of the new direction and attitude the team has taken. The Tribune never would have even considered a move like this, let alone gone that extra mile and got it done. Well done, TheoCo.

Before the Soler signing, the draft took place. Going into the draft, TheoCo said their priority was to draft “impact”. With the #6 pick, they drafted 18-year-old Albert Almora, an outfielder with a big skill set that is exceeded by his makeup….a measure of a player’s attitude and work ethic, not this….

Almora is already a major league-caliber defensive outfielder, but is still 3 or 4 years away from Wrigley. Then, the team picked 7 straight pitchers, filling the system with what it was lacking….pitching prospects. This was a solid approach and shows the team’s commitment to building for the future. An actual plan for the future….I may wet myself with pleasure!!

Lance Armstrong, Cheating Douche

This week, the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency filed formal charges against seven time Tour de France champ Lance Armstrong. Since anyone can remember, Armstrong has been suspected of cheating, whether it be blood doping, PEDs, Erythropoietin, also known as EPO, blood manipulation and everything under the sun. According to USADA, more than 10 cyclists as well as team employees will testify they either saw Armstrong dope or heard him tell them he used EPO, blood transfusions, testosterone and cortisone from 1996 to 2005. I don’t know about anyone else, but if there are ten people willing to testify, that’s a REALLY bad indicator. It’s tough enough to get ten people to decide on what kind of pizza toppings to get, let alone decide to perjure themselves.

What bugs me about this whole thing is that Armstrong, a cancer survivor, did so much good to raise money for cancer research and the like, but did it while likely being a complete phony and a hypocrite. He preached hard work and dedication, all the while cheating his ass off. So many sick and dying people looked to a complete fraud for inspiration. Think about all those people who bought those LIVESTRONG bracelets, donating money to the cause, believing in a guy who was constantly breaking the rules and figuring out how to beat drug tests. Think about the people who breathed their last breaths thinking about what Armstrong had meant to them during their struggle that they knew they were about to lose. It makes me sad to think so many invested themselves emotionally in this guy. People who were dying, people who were sick and the families of those who were sick were defrauded by a guy who called himself “Champion”.

I only hope that this guy will own up to what he did and be man enough to live with the consequences.

by: Tony Leva
email: tonytrucker1969@gmail.com

As most of us know, there are different types of sports fans. We have serious and casual fans. There are fair-weather and die-hard fans. There are fans who are able to look at all angles of a team’s moves and see the big picture after evaluating all aspects of said moves. Then, we have the lowest form of fan……the meatball.

The meatball is a vile thing. The meatball takes what may be true passion for his or her team and lets it rule them without actually using the ol’ grey matter. The meatball is probably incapable of rational thought anyway, but it doesn’t stop them from yelling uninformed crap at the top of their lungs. The meatball is also incapable of listening to anyone who can think about the issue in question and try to weigh the pros and cons of the situation. The meatball acts on instinct the way a moth flies into one of these…


ZZZAAAAAAPPP!!!

Recently, I’ve seen meatballs on both sides of town go batshit crazy for different reasons. The northside meatballs, easily identified by the backwards hats, Abercrombie sweatshirts, cargo shorts and flip-flops, lost their shit during the Cubs’ 12 game losing streak. The southside faction, identifiable by the alarming body odor and neck tattoos (those are the women!!), went ballistic over their team sweeping a last-place Cubs squad. Let’s analyze both sides and how stupid both of them truly are.

North Side

Flash back to when the Cubs hired Theo Epstein in October of 2011. During his introductory press conference, he laid out his plans for what amounts to a massive rebuilding project. He stressed that patience was required from Cubs fans. He was seen as a visionary and cheered by legions of Cubs fans. We all envisioned the day when we’d finally be able to cheer for a world champion baseball team called the Cubs. It all seemed so possible. There was much rejoicing…

Flash forward to early this season. After a 3-11 start, the Cubs went 12-9 to boost their record to a somewhat respectable 15-20. They were playing decent baseball and even took 2 of 3 from the defending champion Cardinals. Then, the bottom fell out as they embarked on that 12 game skid. And almost on cue, the meatballs lost their fucking minds. These are actual quotes from actual Cubs blogs and fan sites. The caps are mine to enhance their stupidity.

“FIRE THEO!! HE FORGOT HOW TO HIRE GOOD PLAYERS!!”

“OBVIOUSLY, WE NEED TO FIRE THE HITTING COACH AND HIRE MARK GRACE!! HE HAD THE MOST HITS IN THE 90s!!”

“WHY ARE THE RICKETTS TOO CHEAP TO SPEND MONEY ON GOOD PLAYERS? SHOULD OF (they are never smart enough to realize it’s “have”, not “of”) NEVER TRADED SEAN MARSHALL!! DUMMIES!!”

“SVEUM DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING!! FIRE THEM ALL!!”

“SAME OLD CUBS!!! I GUESS I’LL GO CHEER FOR THE SOX!!!”

“THANKS FOR NOTHING, THEO!!!”

It went on and on from there, but my point is made. The truly stupid have forgotten what Theo said in his presser….patience is required. The meatball mindset kicked into hyperdrive like the Millennium Falcon did when Han Solo was outrunning those dicks from the Empire. There was no end to the outrage until the skid was broken on Memorial Day. Their fury spent, they now lay in wait until their storehouses of idiocy are replenished and they find a reason to explode again. I can hardly wait.

South Side

As the Cubs were 3 games deep into that 12 game skid, they welcomed their supposed bitter rivals into Wrigley and got swept. At stake was the prestigious BP Cup, a laughably stupid trophy sponsored by the company responsible for the worst oil spill of all time. 5 million barrels of oil, yada yada yada…. Anyway, these clowns sponsored a trophy for some reason, thinking fans would treasure winning it like it were the Stanley Cup. Since the Sox won it last season, the sweep this season ensured the trophy remaining on the south side for another year. But I digress. Not because I’m going off on a tangent, but because the BP Cup is so amazingly stupid.

So after sweeping a last-place club starting a major rebuilding project, Sox fans acted like they actually won something. Again, the caps are mine to accentuate the stupidity.

“YEAAAAHHHH!!! SWEEEEEEEPPPP!!”

“GET BEHIND A WINNER, CHICAGO!!! CUBS SUCK!!!”

“HAHAHA!! STILL LOSERS!!”

“THE BP CUP IS STILL WHERE IT BELONGS!!!”



Like anyone gives a flying fuck about this.

I can’t recall much else, since I was just so entirely devastated by not being able to pleasure myself to pics of my team hoisting that prestigious trophy for at least one more season. Since Sox meatballs are so completely obsessed with all things Cubs, there was plenty of anti-Wrigley sentiment mixed in, my favorite of which were the claims that “nothing historical has ever happened there besides Babe Ruth’s called shot.” Yeah, let’s pop that balloon of Sox meatballery with some facts. The following have taken place at Wrigley….

5 NFL title games, including the first one ever in 1933….Gale Sayers scoring an NFL record 6 TDs…..the only remaining park used in the Federal League….the famous double no-hitter in 1917….The Homer in the Gloamin….the Harlem Globetrotters once played a game there….Stan Musial’s 3000th hit….3 All-Star games….5 World Series….Pete Rose ties Ty Cobb’s career hit record….Kerry Wood fans 20 Astros…the 2009 NHL Winter Classic

That’s a select list of some serious history right there, but the south side meatballs didn’t want to hear about it. No matter what was listed, it’s of no consequence and doesn’t count. They then parrot the familiar, “BUT THE CUBS STILL SUCK AND ALWAYS HAVE!!! WE’RE WINNERS!!!” Really? Winners? Let’s break out some more of those things I like to call, the facts, and see how much of a winning franchise they have over there. I’ll start with the number of World Series appearances the Sox have made since the first was played in 1903.

Five. Yep, that’s it. FIVE. A whopping five times, the Sox were the best team in the American League. There have been 106 World Series played (it wasn’t played in either 1904 or 1994) and the Sox have been there five times. Want to take a guess at how many times the Cubs have been to the Series? You know, the team the Sox deem inferior?

Ten. Ten times. For those of you who suck at math, that’s twice as many as the current BP Cup champs have been to. Hell, we haven’t even been there in 66 years and we still have doubled them up!! I hate when facts fuck up a perfectly good hatefest. Surely, the Sox must be dominating in total World Series titles, you say. I mean, the meatballs must have some sort of basis for this superiority complex, right?

Think again. They’ve won three titles to our two. We have a combined 5 titles. Consider this….from 1949 to 1953, the New York Yankees won five titles in a row. They matched our total title output by themselves in the minimum number of seasons. THAT is a team whose fans can rub it in and boast about superiority. Sox meatballs have no room to brag about shit unless they’re in Toledo or Pawtucket or some backwater like that. When they call us losers, they are ignoring the 400 lb elephant in the room. No, not a female Packer fan (fuck you assholes, you’ll get yours in the fall), but the spectre of failure that haunts both our teams. Get a clue about what success entails and you’ll see neither of our teams measures up.

Ed. Note – One of the things that pissed me off the most about the Cardinals lucking into winning the most recent World Series was that St. Louis now has doubled up Chicago when it comes to WS titles. Damn bitches.

Sadly, I’m not sure if you can ever recover from being a meatball. The idiocy and ignorance are usually too deeply ingrained to ever be rooted out and exorcised.


Exorcism worked for her, but the Devil is less powerful that the meatball gene.

But if you have a loved one who you’d love to be able to have an intelligent and rational conversation about baseball with, no matter what team you root for, please try liberal applications of facts and statistics. Discourage them from shouting half-truths and shit that’s totally steeped in bullshit. Talk things through with them, don’t let them close their minds to the big picture.

If that fails, you may try the Ludovico Technique for Meatballs. Ask this guy if it works.

They may never eat Italian food again, but it’s a small price to pay for the good health of a loved one.