The SaniTERRYum XII: An Essay for the Asterisk*

The SaniTERRYum XII: An Essay for Asterisks

The asterisk remains a mysterious mistress in sports. She only shows up on stats and achievements if something out of the ordinary is determined to be by the powers that be. Late game not included. Steroid Era. Pete Rose. Strikes, lockouts and the like. LeBron’s first title? Oh, definitely an asterisk next to that shortened season Miami championship.

This isn’t even coming from the Heat hater, die-hard Bulls fan in me. This is just me keeping it 100. A 66 game season culminating in a ‘chip does not a champion make. Well, technically it does, but with an asterisk next to it in the books…a permanent asterisk. As much as I admire the Spurs, their run in ’99 falls into the same asterisk-ridden category. It’s just not the same if 82 games aren’t played. Hence, the permanence of the ever-lingering, ever-annoying asterisk. You can debate the asterisk all you want, but it’s not going anywhere. It’s as much a part of legitimizing an accomplishment as it is from taking away its legs to stand on in a world of amputees.

Everything LeBron has done in the L has been legitimate. We don’t need to talk about anyone taking their talents anywhere. We don’t need to talk about the receding hairline. We don’t need to discuss the 4th quarter meltdowns of yesteryear. The man is the best player on the planet right now, possessing a skill set mashed with athleticism the NBA has never seen. But I’m sorry, asterisk applied to his first championship. I can hear the so-called Miami Heat fans now:  “It took him so long to get here, and now this fucking jerk off writer from Chicago who’s still bitter about the Derrick Rose injury wants to diminish what LeBron and Co. have worked so hard for?” Hey, don’t hate the player. Hate the game. Asterisk stands.

The LeBron-imposed asterisk would have gone to whomever the NBA crowned champion this year. That comes with the territory of any sports’ lockout, strike, holdout, or any other new way greedy players and owners can find to prevent us, the fans, from enjoying a full, asterisk-free season. And you can bet your bottom dollar, us fans would love to live in an asterisk-free sports world.

On the topic of betting bottom dollars: Pete Rose, in many ways, personifies the asterisk, a walking asterisk, if you will. He has become the victim of an opinionated asterisk, possibly the worst kind of typographical symbol there is. Bud Selig has sort of made it his life mission to keep Charlie Hustle out of The Hall, which makes me wonder: “Does Bud have a running bet with someone somewhere on an over/under for years it’ll take to get the all-time hits leader (among many other records) into Cooperstown?”

“Dive in head first. Like Pete Rose.”

Although Bud’s not alone: On February 4, 1991, the Hall of Fame voted formally to exclude individuals on the permanently ineligible list from being inducted into the Hall of Fame by way of the Baseball Writers Association of America. Rose is the only living member of the ineligible list. Players who were not selected by the BWAA could be considered by the Veterans Committee in the first year after they would have lost their place on the Baseball Writers’ ballot. Under the Hall’s rules, players may appear on the ballot for only fifteen years, beginning five years after they retire. Had he not been banned from baseball, Rose’s name could have been on the writers’ ballot beginning in 1992 and ending in 2006. He would have been eligible for consideration by the Veterans Committee in 2007, but did not appear on the ballot. In 2008 the Veterans Committee barred players and managers on the ineligible list from consideration.

What’s the BFD here? It’s not like he was betting against his team and then throwing shit intentionally. “I bet on my team every night. I didn’t bet on my team four nights a week. I bet on my team to win every night because I loved my team, I believed in my team.” Those sound like the words of a competitor, someone who truly cares about winning, a real gamer. Why shouldn’t he make a little dough on the side? I mean, MLB players’ salaries barely allow one to scrape by, so by all means…

“Do you wanna know the terrifying truth or do you wanna watch me sock a few  dingers?”
-Mark McGwire to Bart Simpson

We are all tired of performance enhancing drugs taking over the sport we love, hijacking the headlines. When I look at the list of baseball players I grew up watching who are now all but blackballed from ever receiving the slightest bit of consideration to top anyone’s HOF ballot, let alone make it in,  it brings a heaping pile of bullshit on fire to my front door. Absolute flaming bullshit. I’ll always have Ken Griffey, Jr. and Frank Thomas though…

Guys have been cheating the game for ages, but now that we’ve evolved into drug-taking, performance enhancers, now you want to blow the whistle? The eligible players on this year’s ballot is mind-blowing when you step away and realize that most, if not all, will remain Cooperstown outsiders…possibly forever. Bonds. Sosa. The Rocket. Piazza. Big names, and that’s leaving out perennial snubs McGwire, Palmeiro, and the rest of the renounced hardball heroes turned ‘roid ragers. Barry Bonds has more to worry about than asterisks, though. By the way, can someone explain to me how the fuck Royce Clayton found himself onto the ballot?

The steroid and human growth hormone, performance enhancing goes far beyond baseball and stretches into the world of track and field, football, the Olympics, and the, wait for it, Tour de France.

Lance Armstrong: what a let-down after so much build up and feel-goodery. The man beats cancer like 200 times, takes over a French-dominated, absolutely enduring event and hope is restored to the humanity of sports. Then it all comes crashing down amongst allegations of PED peddling. Really, Lance? You? Say it ain’t so! Marion Jones gets an asterisk, jail time, AND community service. She was dubbed the fastest woman alive, but she has been stripped of her medals won at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. I’m sure she would have been just fine with an asterisk next to her name in history, but the asterisk only has so much power. We could all learn a thing or two from LeBron James and Pete Rose: just hustle and work hard to get where you’re going. You don’t need to shoot steroids in your butt.

*Late Game Not Included

Episode 015 – I Have A Cloak Of Loneliness And A Lotion Of Pleasure

Email us 99sportsproblems@gmail.com
Find us on iTunes

• 0:48 Andy is dead this episode
• 1:15 Propers
• 2:10 Tony thinks Twitter is exuberantly happy
• 2:46 Ted Lyons Sunday Starter
• 9:30 Top Ten MLB HOFers that need to be kicked out
• 19:38 Breakage
• 20:15 Beer brewed with maple syrup
• 22:00 Andy’s story time
• 23:00 Waite Hoyt sucks too
• 25:00 @SaintLouisSport
• 25:30 White Sox talk
• 37:02 Chicago Cubs talk
• 43:54 Breakage
• 44:30 A buncha gutless dogs that folded like lawn chairs
• 48:43 House Cleaning
• 51:58 Where Are They Now: Bo Jackson
• 57:50 The show never really ends
• 59:27 Bye-bye

Episode – 014 Nickle and Dime People

Find us on iTunes

• 0:01 Lee Elia Rant
• 2:00 Introduction and Propers/It’s Pat!
• 4:30 Bulls/Derrick Rose Sad Face
• 8:00 Happy Lee Elia Day
• 9:50 The Ted Lyons Sunday Starter/General Baseball Notes
• 16:50 NFL Draft
• 26:50 Beer Breakage
• 27:19 Wing Walker Beer
• 28:30 Where are they Now? Black Jack McDowell
• 32:14 The Slugging Konerko’s
• 37:32 That Young Awful Cubs Team
• 41:35 Breakage
• 42:00 Tony Talks about his feelings/Hawks Eulogy
• 53:30 Top Ten NFL Draft Busts

It Wasn’t Supposed To Be Like This

by: Mauricio Rubio Jr.
email: mr@99sportsproblems.com
twitter: @MRubio52

I’ve been avoiding this. This whole Bulls thing that just happened. It’s not good, not in the least. It’s been covered, and I don’t have to review the details really.

All I can say is that it sucks. It really, really sucks. The life of an NBA midget has a finite number of nicks and bruises that it can take, and Rose, Rose has been through hell.

Before you start, the kid is tough as nails, and that’s his real fault. Him and Thibs, both together in this, can’t dial it back. I don’t blame him, I don’t blame anyone or anything but luck really. It happens, torn ACL’s can happen at any point, and while that’s really shitty analysis, it’s honest analysis. The easy thing is to blame Thibs, but the real issue here is a heart that won’t stop beating, a mindset that won’t give up, a sense of responsibility to teammates and fans that won’t allow him to sit, the real thing here is the massive heart of Derrick Rose.

It’s not a negative 99% of the time. There are the times when he demands the ball, demands the shot, demands the weight of a team, of a city, and takes all the responsibility if it fails, and shares the adulation if he succeeds. But that 1%, that percentage when it could backfire, it did. It happened early in the year and he was never really healthy. He pressed to come back even though it was clear to the eye that he was never anything approaching even 80%. When he went out there, he was sluggish, slow, normal. That was the kicker, he looked average.

What an awful thing to witness, average, when you are used to the superlative. It hurt to see him turn a corner at half speed and realize the extra gear wasn’t there, that he couldn’t push it as hard as he so desperately wanted to. It hurt, I tried to ignore it, I tried to tell myself that it’ll be fine, it’ll clear, he’ll find the gear in the playoffs.

No. No he didn’t.

All of three games and the playoff hopes of a team are dashed. Sure, they will still probably beat Philly. They might sneak by either Boston or Atlanta. But that specter is looming on the other side of a bracket that looks like more feed to the maw at this point. A demolishing force is coming for Chicago, and as much as I want to believe in TEAM, and #doitforderrick, I can’t do it. I’m rooting for the Bulls, I am still a fan, but in my heart, I know I’ve seen this before. This Heat engine is humming, and it’s going to be annoyingly loud throughout the playoffs.

Luol&
CJ&
Rip&
Carlos&
Noah

I dunno. I really liked it when #1 meant something to that list. Sadly, he won’t this year.

Episode 012 – King Troll

[audio http://awmr01.podbean.com/mf/web/xbqf92/Episode012.mp3]
for our full catalog of episodes, please subscribe to us on iTunes here.
Follow us on Twitter: @sportsproblems 

In today’s episode we introduce King Troll, Tony Leva (short-e), we talk some Tim Tebow to the Jets, Manning to the Broncos, call Skip Bayless an asshole, talk some Bulls, we talk some Blackhawk Hockey, wonder where Jack Haley went, we demand Tim Duncan to play DnD with us, we look at the Cubs/Sox seasons, and we reveal the top 10 pitchers in Chicago history.

Bulls Week in Review: Yeah, That Sucked.

by Mauricio Rubio Jr.
Email: mr@99sportsproblems.com
Twitter: MRubio52 

The Chicago Bulls have amassed a rather impressive record without their star recently, showing the trademark determination that has made them a force in the regular season over the past 2 seasons. It’s been an odd year, and most teams have been bit by the weird season bug. The Heat have lost big in back to back games; the Knicks went through their odd mid season crisis when Melo came back to play with Lin, Vinny’s Clippers hit a mid-season mire that might cost him his job. All in all, teams have gone through slumps and at various points their local medias have hit the panic button.

I guess it’s Chicago’s turn.

The Bulls got drubbed by a faster, more willing Denver team which came after the Bulls barely escaped with a win against Toronto (thank you Deng). After an 8-0 run to start the game the Bulls were outscored 108-83. Usually this is a game where Derrick Rose comes in to completely bail you out or does enough to keep it close. As well as Lucas and Watson have played of late, Rose has a tendency to control the tempo. He understands what pace the Bulls need to play to be successful, and regardless of what out-of-town-stupid talking head says about his game, the ball moves better when Rose is out there.

That’s what it looks like when Rose isn’t out there to bail you out. Anyone that is mitigating the importance of Rose to this team because they’ve shown great determination in winning without him is delusional. Deng is hurt, and his shot is pretty much done for the season. Rip Hamilton will likely never be healthy this year. Brewer is inconsistent offensively. Noah has an ugly jumpshot that does go in sometimes, but he gets to passive on defense sometimes. I’m taller than John Lucas III.

Let me break some news here, the Bulls need Derrick Rose if they want to do anything significant. Don’t listen to the bullshit arguments about him not being a true point or whatever people want to say to be controversial. Understand that Rose is the best player on the floor most nights and that the Bulls won 6 rings without a traditional point guard before, and they can do so again. The best players in this league have the ball. Basketball is a sport where you can do that relatively easy and on a consistent basis.

The Bulls have designed an offense where the point guard carries the scoring load, yet Rose was still at 8 APG on the nose. I can’t believe that I have to sit here and type that Derrick Rose makes his team better, but damnit people, stop listening to stupid and understand that Rose makes his team better. The myth that the Bulls move the ball better without Rose started most likely with Skip Bayless, and it’s been growing some odd support as detractors pointed to the Bulls record and their win over the Heat as proof that they’re better without Rose

Stop being stupid.

What you need to understand is that Tommy Thibs is the best damn coach in the game, he should win his second Coach of the Year award. His end of game substitution patterns have been masterwork all year long. He’s unafraid to bench the highest paid players on the team if they aren’t performing and his defensive teachings have turned the Bulls into a juggernaut defense. It’s impressive when it’s on.

There’s only so much energy you can expend in a game before it starts catching up to you. The Bulls have grinded out maximum effort wins lately, but last night the Nuggets beat the shit out of them. We all need Rose to come back healthy, because the playoffs are looming and this team can’t be exhausted then.

Bulls Week In Review: No Seriously, How Are You Still Winning?

ALL RIGHT EVERYBODY COME IN LET’S HAVE A TEAM TALK. FIRST OFF, YOU’RE ALL DOING A MAGNIFICENT FUCKING JOB OF NOT FUCKING LOSING WHILE OUR FUCKING STAR IS OUT WITH A FUCKING GROIN PULL. THAT LITTLE SHIT BAILS ALL OF YOU OTHER ASSHOLES OUT ALL THE FUCKING TIME WITH HIS BULLSHIT PHYSICS DEFYING ACROBATICS IT’S FUCKING AMAZING THAT WE HAVEN’T COMPLETELY GONE IN THE SHITTER BY NOW.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uh, hey, thanks coach, I think.

SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU’RE THE FUCKING HEART AND SOUL OF THE TEAM AND I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU BUT I NEED YOU TO KEEP YOUR TRAP QUIET RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

YOU OTHER SHITS, GOOD JOB BEATING THOSE FANCY FACED FUCKHEADS. I FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING HEAT WITH A FUCKING PASSION.

[youtube http://youtu.be/JMmNatOo9a4]

SERIOUSLY, LUCAS YOU LITTLE CHUCKER, YOU’RE USELESS DEFENSIVELY BUT FUCKING THANK YOU FOR SHOOTING US TO A FUCKING WIN.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coach, uh, Skip Bayless said that I moved the ball and that I’m a real PG not li-

DON’T YOU EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT YOU LITTLE SHIT. AND FUCK SKIP BAYLESS TOO. IF I HEAR YOU SPOUTING THAT BULLSHIT AGAIN I HAVE A SEAT RIGHT HERE NEXT TO ME THAT HAS YOUR FUCKING NAME WRITTEN ALL OVER IT, RIGHT SCAL?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
It’s good to be the White Mamba.

ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH RIGHT NOW, YOU WOULDN’T GET RECOGNIZED AT A FUCKING APPLE STORE IF YOU WERE PROMOTING THE NEW ISHIT 4GSHIT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Uhh, actually this dude asked me for my auto-

FUCK YOU AND YOUR MOTHER YOU SHIT. NOW WE HAVING LOST BACK TO FUCKING BACK GAMES IN OVER A FUCKING YEAR AND THAT’S WITH Deeeeeeeeennnng…ohhh Luol…how I love thee…How my heart sings of the grace of your defense, how my stomach churns at the thought of you not being on the roster, oh Luol, how hot burns my appreciation of your game, how lost I would be without thee to lean on, in my times of need, through your defense, we are a team complete wi-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uh, coach, this is getting a little weird.

SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU ASSHOLE.

That’s cool, I guess…

WITH FUCKING DENG BATTLING THROUGH A WRIST INJURY, ROSE GETTING MURDERED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DRIVE TO THE PAINT

ref: NO FOUL!
THIBS: FUCKINGFOUL!
ref: NO FOUL!
THIBS: FUCKINGFOUL!
ref: NO FOUL!
THIBS: FUCKINGFOUL!
ref: NO FOUL!
THIBS: FUCKINGFOUL!

AND GETTING HURT IN THE PROCESS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME! SERIOUSLY I HATE THE REFS MORE THAN I FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING HEAT…

…

…

OK MAYBE NOT BUT STILL FUCK THE REFS THOSE LITTLE USELESS SHITS! OUR DEFENSE IS SHITALL AT THIS POINT AN-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Uh, Thibs, I’m hurt too…

FUCK I FUCKING FORGOT YOU WERE A FUCKING PLAYER ON THE FUCKING TEAM. WHAT’S YOUR FUCKING NAME AGAIN?

 

 

 

 

 

 
Who is that masked m-

DON’T YOU EVEN DARE FUCKING FINISH THAT FUCKING LINE YOU FUCKING LINDSAY HUNTER WANNABE! MEETING FUCKING ADJOURNED, I’M FUCKING PROUD OF ALL OF YOU AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO SEE YOU GUYS SUCCEED, GREAT FUCKING JOB AT NOT BEING SO FUCKING USELESS WITH Deeeeennnnng…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Uh coach, still weird

OH WHAT? FUCK YOU YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!

-Coach Tom Thibodeau, probable 2011-2012 coach of the fucking year.

12>3, for one game at least.

If you had told me that LeBron James would be helping trap John Lucas III in late, critical possessions I would have made a bad joke referencing the absurdity of that statement and then I would have punched you straight in the face. All Brandon Marshall like.

The Chicago Bulls just plain outworked the Miami Heat en route to an improbable 106-102 victory. They did it with the reigning MVP on the bench too. I have to be honest, I was…less than optimistic about this game.

A pg by any other name does not smell just as sweet. No Rose sucks.
I might have to stay away from the Internet for awhile.
On my way towards drunken anger.

But I’ll be damned if those underdog assholes didn’t prove me wrong. It did take a remarkably efficient night by the most unlikely hero. We know him by many names, the Third, Carlton, LeBron’s hurdle, but for today we can simply address him as “Giant Slayer.”

Suck on that, you dancing assholes. This dudes doppelganger just whupped your ass.

How crazy was Carlton’s night? He doubled Bosh’s point production while taking 3 fewer shots. John Lucas III was 9-12 for 24 points. That’s clownshoes ridiculous. The degree of difficulty on his shots seemed to increase as the game wore on too. Lucas had open looks to start the game, he started 4-4 and mixed in a few threes when he first came off the bench.

He also did this.

The Heat’s interior defense was porous to start, the Bulls designed plays and took advantage of lazy rotation on the inside and did yeoman’s work inside the paint. Luol Deng played the warrior once again as LeBron was taking every chance he could to slap at Luol’s gimpy wrist. The total team effort by the Bulls was greater than the individual efforts of Wade and LeBron.

It seems that the Thibs gameplan was to single cover Wade and LeBron and shut down the help. James and Wade had big nights, 35-5-4 for LeBron, 36-7-1 for Wade, but the rest of the Heat seemed to be spectators. They combined to score only 31 points. Bosh in particular had a rough night. He was 3-15 and if not for some bailout calls, his point production would have cratered by an even deeper margin.

And then there was that 4th quarter thing with LeBron again. James was outscored by another James in the final frame. The Heat designed plays that used LeBron as a decoy twice in the closing seconds to get an open look for noted superstar, James Jones. LeBron didn’t show up on the screen on the offensive end in the 4th, doing nothing to help the unfortunate reputation he has built up for himself. Wade closed the gap and kept the Heat close, leaving the door open just a crack, but James was noticeably absent for most of the quarter. He did have a great steal on an ill advised pass, but for the most part he was invisible in the closing minutes.

So what can you take from last nights game? What does it all mean? It’s a confirmation of what we’ve believed from the start. The Heat have Talent (yeah, capital T talent, it’s that good) on their side, the Bulls have heart on theirs. This isn’t to say that the Bulls lack talent, rather it means that for the Bulls to beat the Heat, they’ll need to outwork them in every phase of the game like they did tonight. The defense was superb. The Bulls won the rebounding battle. The Bulls limited the bad shots early in the shot clock. LeBron disappeared in the 4th quarter. Wade hit tough shots. Bosh Boshed.

Offensive patience will help the Bulls, and while they are still the underdogs in what should be an eventual rematch in the ECF, there is some hope to be gleaned from this game.

It can be done.

And Fuck LeBron.

LOL

Bulls vs. Heat Rd. 2

It really is a contrast in styles at this point. It was somewhat evident last year, but the Rose MVP talk mitigated the stark contrast somewhat. It’s pretty clear now though, the Heat are cutting a path of destruction through the NBA, they aren’t quite an unstoppable force and there are some dents in the chassis, but the Miami machine is a sleek one.

LBJ-Wade-Bosh still need to figure out who’s taking the shot in the closing minutes, but most nights it simply doesn’t matter. They can annihilate a team in 3 quarters and make the 4th irrelevant. Yeah, Wade is a step slower, but he’s still a top 5 player. He’s shooting 50% from the floor this year as a guard, which is pretty hard to do. LeBron is having a historic season and Bosh is finally doing some of the dirty work that Heat fans have been begging him to do since the free agency coup of the century.

The Bulls grind their way to victory. Every night is a seemingly maximum effort affair in which the Bulls outwork and outhustle their opponents. This was clearly evident in Monday’s tilt against the Knicks. The Bulls had significantly less talent on the floor than NY did. Deng-Rip-CJ were all hurt and the Knicks still boast a trio of Chandler-Melo-Stoudamire that should have been enough to beat the Rose-led Bulls.

Chicago works hard on the boards, Taj had a great hustle night even if his shooting numbers weren’t there. Rose had a productive night despite spotty shooting and carelessness with the rock. The Bulls grind, and even though the defense wasn’t great on the whole, they looked great in spots. Butler’s work on Melo was surprising and important. Lin was not shut down, but he was limited as the Bulls dared him to dribble with his left hand all night.

The Heat crush opponents with flashy play, the Bulls pound opponents into submission with tough defense and #1 shredding defenses.

Something’s gotta give tonight.

Pregame Music

[youtube http://youtu.be/2Q9WDaCVDe8]

Yeah, basketball is usually associated with Hip-Hop/Rap, but Bulls/Heat sounds like metal to me. I can imagine a mash up of LBJ/Rose highlights set to this track for some reason. I feel like it fits.

What To Pay Attention To

• What do the Bulls do when LBJ guards Rose? Who is the second option with the gimpy unit they are running out there?
• Deng and his wrist. How will it affect his defense and his shot. He can be deadly from the mid range, and if it’s hurting him badly, it could spell disaster for the Bulls.
• Will Boozer get anything going towards the rim tonight? He’s the ultimate wildcard in all of this. If he can manage to have a decent stretch against the Heat, it could mean the difference between winning and losing. He’s in love with the fade away, and it needs to stop.
• Will the Bulls use zone? We know it’s somewhat effective against the Heat, but Thibs doesn’t use it often. Theory is that Thibs wants to limit the tape the Heat have on the Bulls zone D, and Thibs generally doesn’t use zone anyway.
• What’s LBJ up to in the 4th quarter? Is he being passive and deferential? Is he slinking in the corner, letting Wade carry the offensive workload? What’s underrated about LeBron is his clutch defense. He’s a bulldog on the defensive end.
• What the hell is Thibs gonna pull out of his ass this time? The Knicks game was a coaching clinic with the cross match ups on offense and defense. Thibs is maximizing his roster in very interesting ways lately. He’s turning in another solid year as a coach.
• Will the Bulls stop taking quick shots early in the shot clock? This is an issue against a team that loves to run, like Miami. Married to this point are the turnovers. The Bulls need to value the basketball to win this game. If they don’t it can get ugly.

The Edges

PG – Rose v. Chalmers

This ain’t close. Rose is clearly better than Chalmers offensively, and is fairly close to him defensively. Rose doesn’t get the steals that Mario does, but he plays the type of defense Thibs requires of him. Chalmers is a fine NBA PG, but he’s not on the level that Rose is. The Bulls have the clear edge here.

SG – Brewer v. Wade

Brewer is a decent defender. He has good length and he’s quick on his feet. He won’t shut Wade down, I don’t think, but he should be able to do yeoman’s work on him. I don’t expect Wade to have a big night, but he’s still dangerous when he wants to be. Brewer needs to find offense to close the gap. His game is inconsistent at best. There have been stretches where his 3 pt. shot looks solid, and then the arc on his ball goes flat and he can’t buy a bucket. Brewer is a solid finisher, but he’s no Wade. The Heat have a clear edge here.

SF – Deng v. James

Deng’s hurt. I don’t know how it will affect his defense, but we’ve seen what it can do to his jumpshot. The wrist is a serious concern, and you have to wonder how much he’ll want to test it against 275 lbs of LBJ. I think they have to force the ball Wade’s way early in the game if they can. Somehow. It’s unlikely, but it’s a thought. James is an absolute match up nightmare. He can defend all 5 positions on the floor, against the Lakers he went from defending Gasol, to Bynum, to Kobe. That’s ridiculous and scary. The Heat have a huge edge here.

PF – Boozer v. Bosh

Lord Boozington sucks defensively. This is not breaking news. I would put Jo on Bosh and let Boozer flail at Haslem for 25ish minutes and let Taj do the dirty work. Boozer needs to get moving to the basket more often, that jumpshot is going to get swatted by James more often than not. If Booze gets hot, James will guard him. I don’t see it happening, Boozer has difficulty guarding anything, and his offense struggles against height and size. And talent, can’t forget that he does poorly against talent. Bosh is enigmatic, but he can still put up good numbers offensively. The Heat have an edge here.

C – Noah v. Haslem

Noah is back to being the loveable grinder that we grew to appreciate. I wasn’t sure about him when he was drafted, but he changed my mind. Haslem looks much better without the braids, his game is funky, but all he needs to be is a solid interior defender and a sometimes offensive option. Noah is better, but if Haslem gets hot, it creates a problem. Noah can only guard one person at a time, and Boozer can’t guard a damn thing. The Bulls have the edge here.

Bench – The Bench Mob v. The Extras From Miami Vice

You know, the Miami bench is actually better this year. Battier is a good addition, Mike Miller is playing better, Norris Cole was a fine draft pick, but the Bulls bench is still better. The gap has closed a bit in this department, and it’s closer still with Watson hurt and Korver losing his jumper for spots, but this is still an edge for the Bulls. If Deng can’t play heavy minutes, the Bulls bench will be tested to the max. Korver and Brewer are not an effective defensive tandem. Jimmy Butler had a good game against the Knicks, but he’s still a relatively unknown commodity. Asik will be huge, ditto with Taj in this game.

Synopsis And Predicted Outcome

The Bulls are underdogs in this match up. The Heat have the better starters, and depth only matters so much. The Bulls will have to play a brilliant defensive game to win tonight. The offense needs to find easy buckets somehow, and it’s clearly not coming through Boozer. Rose can get to the rack, but for some reason he’s hesitant to do so against the Heat. Miami has a real ass team now, and it’s going to be hard to win this game. I do predict a Heat win, but it’s not impossible for the Bulls. In the regular season, funny things can happen. If the Bulls win, it won’t change much. Ditto if they lose. Perhaps they can find some confidence in beating this team, but it’s more of a hope than anything. I hope they win, I hope Boozer gets his head out of his ass, I hope Deng escapes with his health and I hope Rose gets over his “fear” of the Heat.

It’s gonna be a bitch though.

Why We Love NBA Jam Part 1: A New Kind of Game

I’ve spent a lot of time writing about baseball games these last couple of months. It’s only natural. Baseball is my favorite sport after all. I don’t feel like I’m doing anyone a disservice by writing solely about baseball, but a little variety now and then can’t hurt.

Basketball is not my game. I tried playing it when I was a kid and found that my two main skills, free throw shooting and fouling other players, weren’t a recipe for a star hoopster. Subsequently, I only enjoyed it when winning or losing didn’t matter to anyone involved. I loved playing 21 and horse during PE in both elementary and high school and to this day still love the idea of just shooting a ball around, not that I ever do. At the end of the day basketball is just a fun game that I can’t take seriously. At least I can’t take it seriously enough to watch others play.

That’s why I love NBA Jam.

It’s a basketball game that doesn’t take the sport seriously. While winning and losing may be a personal matter within the game, there’s no season riding on it. There are no teammates to ridicule or be ridiculed in the locker room after a blowout loss. There isn’t a shred of remorse or hurt feelings when a game is over. Just another couple of coins dumped into the slot. There have been several games released with the NBA Jam name, and many more similar games of varying quality under different titles. All hipster douchebaggary aside, the original arcade cabinet is still the best version available if you can find a place that has one. It had balanced teams and it just sounds and feels right. Plus it had Shaq and Barkley so there.

When you play NBA Jam on the original arcade cabinet, you are playing a caricature of one of the most exciting and storied times in basketball history. It was a time when old greats faced off against young new stars, new dynasties were being formed as old standbys crumbled, the NBA was taking chances by drafting new talent from Europe and for the first time sent its top stars up against the increasingly tough talent in the Olympic games. That’s not even mentioning that Micheal Jordan had just forced his name into the world’s collective consciousness, whether they liked it or not, by winning his third consecutive championship ring and five MVP awards in the process. (Two regular season, three finals.)

So why is NBA Jam still such a popular game? How has it endeared itself to so many fans? What’s the magic? What’s the trick? The gimmick? What’s the secret?

For one, it’s fast. The 3 minute quarters blink past without a care. It’s really a testament to how great a game is when people don’t even realize they are being duped into dumping extra coins in a game due to a fast counting clock. Then there’s the gameplay. Through all the shoving, turbo passes, flaming dunks, and shattered glass you don’t even realize how much time really goes by or how many games you’ve played. You put in your first quarter, you play, you look up and your pockets no longer jingle and its been three hours. What the hell?

Another reason people like NBA Jam is the flamboyantly comical art style and presentation. Between the static player photographs put on what seems to be a single body that is repeatedly pallet swapped and re-sized, and commentary provided by Tim Kitzrow it’s hard not to smile while you watch and listen to the game. Everything is so over the top that there’s no room for rational basketball rules. I mean, how do you call a foul in a game where you can set the net on fire with a dunk? How could you allow the game to stop just because the ball goes out of bounds when any given player jumps higher than the rim? You just can’t. It’s an arcade sports game at its core and NBA Jam does it so right, there’s no way to really improve it. Even the newest version on the Wii, PSN, and Xbox Live is just the same game with updated rosters and visuals.

There is, however, an underlying theory as to why people love NBA Jam. One that is buried within the confines of sports history and the evaluation of what was happening in basketball between 1991 and 1993. The 1980’s were a period of rising popularity for professional basketball. Starting in 1979 when Larry Bird and Magic Johnson entered the league, star player after star player emerged culminating in a virtual renaissance in the NBA. The 80’s saw the retirement of some of the game’s most storied players including Bill Walton, Kareem Abdul Jabar, Julius Irving, and Walt Frazier. But while these greats were taking a seat players like James Worthy, Isiah Thomas, John Stockton, Scottie Pippen, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing, Clyde Drexler, Chris Mullen, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, and Micheal Jordan were easily making names for themselves in a sport that was fast becoming a contender for the worlds most popular sport. Basketball was clearly evolving and it would take a loss on the world’s stage for America to understand just how far the sport had come.

In 1988 the US men’s basketball team finished third in the Olympics. Third. They lost to Russia and Yugoslavia. What was happening? All the time the US was sending college kids to play in the Olympics in basketball the rest of the world was sending its best players to compete and they were getting better every year. The best players from the United States were in the NBA and weren’t allowed to play in the games due to their professional status. In effect, that gave the US a huge disadvantage. Sure nine of the players on the Russian and Yugoslavian teams that beat the American team ended up playing for the NBA at some point and with varying success, you may remember Vlade Divac, Toni Kukoc, and Drazen Petrovic, but that was no excuse. So in 1989 when the worlds governing body over international basketball, the FIBA, decided it was cool to allow professional players to compete the stage was set for something crazy to happen.

The 1992 US men’s basketball team featured eleven NBA players and one guy from Duke (pfft they couldn’t get one more?). Not only did they tear up the world qualifying tournaments, beating the six teams they played by an average of 52 points, but they flew through the Olympics with ease. They averaged 117 points per game and beat the opposition by an average of 44 points per game to win the gold medal that year. It was a great moment in sports history and The Dream Team is one of only eight complete teams to be elected to the basketball hall of fame. Combine that with basketball’s general rising popularity and you have a country ready to eat up anything basketball related. NBA Jam couldn’t possibly fail in at atmosphere like that.

NBA Jam represents a time in sports history where everything was on an upswing and a time in video game history when new avenues of game development were being explored. These two elements combined to bring about a classic game that painted a bombastic and flashy picture of American culture. One that I dearly miss and has yet to be matched.

Stay tuned for part two, The ghosts of Reggie Lewis and Drazen Petrovic.

Boomshakalaka.