Episode 015 – I Have A Cloak Of Loneliness And A Lotion Of Pleasure

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• 0:48 Andy is dead this episode
• 1:15 Propers
• 2:10 Tony thinks Twitter is exuberantly happy
• 2:46 Ted Lyons Sunday Starter
• 9:30 Top Ten MLB HOFers that need to be kicked out
• 19:38 Breakage
• 20:15 Beer brewed with maple syrup
• 22:00 Andy’s story time
• 23:00 Waite Hoyt sucks too
• 25:00 @SaintLouisSport
• 25:30 White Sox talk
• 37:02 Chicago Cubs talk
• 43:54 Breakage
• 44:30 A buncha gutless dogs that folded like lawn chairs
• 48:43 House Cleaning
• 51:58 Where Are They Now: Bo Jackson
• 57:50 The show never really ends
• 59:27 Bye-bye

The SaniTERRYum XI: Since We Last Spoke

Since We Last Spoke: Brian LaHair has become The Babe reincarnated in Cubbie Blue, Josh Hamilton went on a binge (the home run hitting kind, not the other kind), NATO has begun its takeover of our fine city, President Obama endorsed gay marriage, and we’ve achieved peace in the Middle East. Well, maybe not the last one, but while we’re fantasizing about things that never happened but should…

…The Bulls just swept the listless, overmatched, lazy defending, inconsistent, bite-off-more-than-they-can-chew-by-saying-they’d-rather-see-The-Bulls-in-The-Playoffs Philadelphia 76ers, and they’re up 2-0 against the obviously aging Boston Celtics. Doug Collins has pulled out the last of his receding Silver Fox coiffure trying to figure out how to stop reigning MVP Derrick Rose from shredding his entire team en route to averaging a triple double for the series. The few Sixer fans who’ve bothered to show up for the two games at Wachovia Center chanted, “MVP, MVP!” every time Chicago’s finest stepped to the free throw line to put the nail in the coffin of this clearly inferior team. Luol Deng fed off of D-Rose’s championship tone setting play, and he showed why he was an All-Star earlier this year. Joakim Noah tore up the court the way only he can. He embarrassed the hell out of Spencer Hawes at every opportunity. 

I know this was a shortened season with more likelihood for injury and setbacks, but damn! This was simply ridiculous. There will forever be an asterisk linked to whoever claims Larry O’Brien this year, but this really felt like Da Bulls’ year. For real. Legitimately. The same feeling is probably being felt by Oklahoma City or Miami or (yet again) San Antonio natives this year, too. Well, go ahead and marinate on this: take Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and James Harden off of the Thunder. Remove LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh from the Heat roster. Timmy goes down along with Manu and Tony? Hell, take the top three players from any contender, and they instantly become candidates for the lottery. 

Fuck the 2012 NBA season. Derrick Rose may never be the same again. A torn ACL takes away a leaper’s leap and a cutter’s cut, especially a 6’3″ point guard’s ability to explode to the cup the way Derrick does (did?). No one wants to hear this, and I guarantee he feels worse than anybody about the whole situation, but it bears mentioning that without Derrick the Bulls might not ever get back to their championship level with Thibs’ current core. 

Anybody remember Penny Hardaway by any chance? Exactly.

But it has been a depressing season this year for Chicago sports. Not the traditional “our teams suck” brand of depression. It’s the brand of depression that involves high expectations, championship-caliber ball being played and then injuries and unforeseen circumstances taking over the fate of a season. The window in professional sports gets smaller and smaller for franchises, and the Bulls’ window might have just slammed shut with one snap of a kneecap. The same happened with the Bears this year. And the Blackhawks. 

Which brings me to a very important existential question: is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all? The sports version of that conundrum boils down to this: is it better to have a great team and have it injure itself before potential gets realized or just to have sucked all along. Maybe we should round up a gang of Cleveland Browns or Charlotte Bobcats (sorry, Mike) fans to gain some perspective into the world of sucking. Or we can just take a cue from one of our baseball teams, and just, oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m saying this…

…wait till next year.

Episode – 014 Nickle and Dime People

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• 0:01 Lee Elia Rant
• 2:00 Introduction and Propers/It’s Pat!
• 4:30 Bulls/Derrick Rose Sad Face
• 8:00 Happy Lee Elia Day
• 9:50 The Ted Lyons Sunday Starter/General Baseball Notes
• 16:50 NFL Draft
• 26:50 Beer Breakage
• 27:19 Wing Walker Beer
• 28:30 Where are they Now? Black Jack McDowell
• 32:14 The Slugging Konerko’s
• 37:32 That Young Awful Cubs Team
• 41:35 Breakage
• 42:00 Tony Talks about his feelings/Hawks Eulogy
• 53:30 Top Ten NFL Draft Busts

It Wasn’t Supposed To Be Like This

by: Mauricio Rubio Jr.
email: mr@99sportsproblems.com
twitter: @MRubio52

I’ve been avoiding this. This whole Bulls thing that just happened. It’s not good, not in the least. It’s been covered, and I don’t have to review the details really.

All I can say is that it sucks. It really, really sucks. The life of an NBA midget has a finite number of nicks and bruises that it can take, and Rose, Rose has been through hell.

Before you start, the kid is tough as nails, and that’s his real fault. Him and Thibs, both together in this, can’t dial it back. I don’t blame him, I don’t blame anyone or anything but luck really. It happens, torn ACL’s can happen at any point, and while that’s really shitty analysis, it’s honest analysis. The easy thing is to blame Thibs, but the real issue here is a heart that won’t stop beating, a mindset that won’t give up, a sense of responsibility to teammates and fans that won’t allow him to sit, the real thing here is the massive heart of Derrick Rose.

It’s not a negative 99% of the time. There are the times when he demands the ball, demands the shot, demands the weight of a team, of a city, and takes all the responsibility if it fails, and shares the adulation if he succeeds. But that 1%, that percentage when it could backfire, it did. It happened early in the year and he was never really healthy. He pressed to come back even though it was clear to the eye that he was never anything approaching even 80%. When he went out there, he was sluggish, slow, normal. That was the kicker, he looked average.

What an awful thing to witness, average, when you are used to the superlative. It hurt to see him turn a corner at half speed and realize the extra gear wasn’t there, that he couldn’t push it as hard as he so desperately wanted to. It hurt, I tried to ignore it, I tried to tell myself that it’ll be fine, it’ll clear, he’ll find the gear in the playoffs.

No. No he didn’t.

All of three games and the playoff hopes of a team are dashed. Sure, they will still probably beat Philly. They might sneak by either Boston or Atlanta. But that specter is looming on the other side of a bracket that looks like more feed to the maw at this point. A demolishing force is coming for Chicago, and as much as I want to believe in TEAM, and #doitforderrick, I can’t do it. I’m rooting for the Bulls, I am still a fan, but in my heart, I know I’ve seen this before. This Heat engine is humming, and it’s going to be annoyingly loud throughout the playoffs.

Luol&
CJ&
Rip&
Carlos&
Noah

I dunno. I really liked it when #1 meant something to that list. Sadly, he won’t this year.

Send Us Your Sports Problems

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• NFL Draft results
• Phil Humber, Jake Peavy, and the White Sox pitching staff
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• All time NFL draft busts
• AL/NL updates (Matt Kemp really wants that MVP award)
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Episode 013 – An Illogical and Ridiculous Hatred

[audio http://awmr01.podbean.com/mf/web/mnx65a/Episode013.mp3]

In this weeks episode we round up MLB, talk a little Ozzie, wonder aloud if the White Sox are for real, get a little touch and go with the Marlins uniform, we realize that almost no Cubs fans were ready for this season, discuss some Blackhawk hockey, bitch about the Heat, talk some Bulls, and we bring up our Top Ten Scrubs.

Episode 012 – King Troll

[audio http://awmr01.podbean.com/mf/web/xbqf92/Episode012.mp3]
for our full catalog of episodes, please subscribe to us on iTunes here.
Follow us on Twitter: @sportsproblems 

In today’s episode we introduce King Troll, Tony Leva (short-e), we talk some Tim Tebow to the Jets, Manning to the Broncos, call Skip Bayless an asshole, talk some Bulls, we talk some Blackhawk Hockey, wonder where Jack Haley went, we demand Tim Duncan to play DnD with us, we look at the Cubs/Sox seasons, and we reveal the top 10 pitchers in Chicago history.

Bulls Week in Review: Yeah, That Sucked.

by Mauricio Rubio Jr.
Email: mr@99sportsproblems.com
Twitter: MRubio52 

The Chicago Bulls have amassed a rather impressive record without their star recently, showing the trademark determination that has made them a force in the regular season over the past 2 seasons. It’s been an odd year, and most teams have been bit by the weird season bug. The Heat have lost big in back to back games; the Knicks went through their odd mid season crisis when Melo came back to play with Lin, Vinny’s Clippers hit a mid-season mire that might cost him his job. All in all, teams have gone through slumps and at various points their local medias have hit the panic button.

I guess it’s Chicago’s turn.

The Bulls got drubbed by a faster, more willing Denver team which came after the Bulls barely escaped with a win against Toronto (thank you Deng). After an 8-0 run to start the game the Bulls were outscored 108-83. Usually this is a game where Derrick Rose comes in to completely bail you out or does enough to keep it close. As well as Lucas and Watson have played of late, Rose has a tendency to control the tempo. He understands what pace the Bulls need to play to be successful, and regardless of what out-of-town-stupid talking head says about his game, the ball moves better when Rose is out there.

That’s what it looks like when Rose isn’t out there to bail you out. Anyone that is mitigating the importance of Rose to this team because they’ve shown great determination in winning without him is delusional. Deng is hurt, and his shot is pretty much done for the season. Rip Hamilton will likely never be healthy this year. Brewer is inconsistent offensively. Noah has an ugly jumpshot that does go in sometimes, but he gets to passive on defense sometimes. I’m taller than John Lucas III.

Let me break some news here, the Bulls need Derrick Rose if they want to do anything significant. Don’t listen to the bullshit arguments about him not being a true point or whatever people want to say to be controversial. Understand that Rose is the best player on the floor most nights and that the Bulls won 6 rings without a traditional point guard before, and they can do so again. The best players in this league have the ball. Basketball is a sport where you can do that relatively easy and on a consistent basis.

The Bulls have designed an offense where the point guard carries the scoring load, yet Rose was still at 8 APG on the nose. I can’t believe that I have to sit here and type that Derrick Rose makes his team better, but damnit people, stop listening to stupid and understand that Rose makes his team better. The myth that the Bulls move the ball better without Rose started most likely with Skip Bayless, and it’s been growing some odd support as detractors pointed to the Bulls record and their win over the Heat as proof that they’re better without Rose

Stop being stupid.

What you need to understand is that Tommy Thibs is the best damn coach in the game, he should win his second Coach of the Year award. His end of game substitution patterns have been masterwork all year long. He’s unafraid to bench the highest paid players on the team if they aren’t performing and his defensive teachings have turned the Bulls into a juggernaut defense. It’s impressive when it’s on.

There’s only so much energy you can expend in a game before it starts catching up to you. The Bulls have grinded out maximum effort wins lately, but last night the Nuggets beat the shit out of them. We all need Rose to come back healthy, because the playoffs are looming and this team can’t be exhausted then.

12>3, for one game at least.

If you had told me that LeBron James would be helping trap John Lucas III in late, critical possessions I would have made a bad joke referencing the absurdity of that statement and then I would have punched you straight in the face. All Brandon Marshall like.

The Chicago Bulls just plain outworked the Miami Heat en route to an improbable 106-102 victory. They did it with the reigning MVP on the bench too. I have to be honest, I was…less than optimistic about this game.

A pg by any other name does not smell just as sweet. No Rose sucks.
I might have to stay away from the Internet for awhile.
On my way towards drunken anger.

But I’ll be damned if those underdog assholes didn’t prove me wrong. It did take a remarkably efficient night by the most unlikely hero. We know him by many names, the Third, Carlton, LeBron’s hurdle, but for today we can simply address him as “Giant Slayer.”

Suck on that, you dancing assholes. This dudes doppelganger just whupped your ass.

How crazy was Carlton’s night? He doubled Bosh’s point production while taking 3 fewer shots. John Lucas III was 9-12 for 24 points. That’s clownshoes ridiculous. The degree of difficulty on his shots seemed to increase as the game wore on too. Lucas had open looks to start the game, he started 4-4 and mixed in a few threes when he first came off the bench.

He also did this.

The Heat’s interior defense was porous to start, the Bulls designed plays and took advantage of lazy rotation on the inside and did yeoman’s work inside the paint. Luol Deng played the warrior once again as LeBron was taking every chance he could to slap at Luol’s gimpy wrist. The total team effort by the Bulls was greater than the individual efforts of Wade and LeBron.

It seems that the Thibs gameplan was to single cover Wade and LeBron and shut down the help. James and Wade had big nights, 35-5-4 for LeBron, 36-7-1 for Wade, but the rest of the Heat seemed to be spectators. They combined to score only 31 points. Bosh in particular had a rough night. He was 3-15 and if not for some bailout calls, his point production would have cratered by an even deeper margin.

And then there was that 4th quarter thing with LeBron again. James was outscored by another James in the final frame. The Heat designed plays that used LeBron as a decoy twice in the closing seconds to get an open look for noted superstar, James Jones. LeBron didn’t show up on the screen on the offensive end in the 4th, doing nothing to help the unfortunate reputation he has built up for himself. Wade closed the gap and kept the Heat close, leaving the door open just a crack, but James was noticeably absent for most of the quarter. He did have a great steal on an ill advised pass, but for the most part he was invisible in the closing minutes.

So what can you take from last nights game? What does it all mean? It’s a confirmation of what we’ve believed from the start. The Heat have Talent (yeah, capital T talent, it’s that good) on their side, the Bulls have heart on theirs. This isn’t to say that the Bulls lack talent, rather it means that for the Bulls to beat the Heat, they’ll need to outwork them in every phase of the game like they did tonight. The defense was superb. The Bulls won the rebounding battle. The Bulls limited the bad shots early in the shot clock. LeBron disappeared in the 4th quarter. Wade hit tough shots. Bosh Boshed.

Offensive patience will help the Bulls, and while they are still the underdogs in what should be an eventual rematch in the ECF, there is some hope to be gleaned from this game.

It can be done.

And Fuck LeBron.

LOL

Bulls vs. Heat Rd. 2

It really is a contrast in styles at this point. It was somewhat evident last year, but the Rose MVP talk mitigated the stark contrast somewhat. It’s pretty clear now though, the Heat are cutting a path of destruction through the NBA, they aren’t quite an unstoppable force and there are some dents in the chassis, but the Miami machine is a sleek one.

LBJ-Wade-Bosh still need to figure out who’s taking the shot in the closing minutes, but most nights it simply doesn’t matter. They can annihilate a team in 3 quarters and make the 4th irrelevant. Yeah, Wade is a step slower, but he’s still a top 5 player. He’s shooting 50% from the floor this year as a guard, which is pretty hard to do. LeBron is having a historic season and Bosh is finally doing some of the dirty work that Heat fans have been begging him to do since the free agency coup of the century.

The Bulls grind their way to victory. Every night is a seemingly maximum effort affair in which the Bulls outwork and outhustle their opponents. This was clearly evident in Monday’s tilt against the Knicks. The Bulls had significantly less talent on the floor than NY did. Deng-Rip-CJ were all hurt and the Knicks still boast a trio of Chandler-Melo-Stoudamire that should have been enough to beat the Rose-led Bulls.

Chicago works hard on the boards, Taj had a great hustle night even if his shooting numbers weren’t there. Rose had a productive night despite spotty shooting and carelessness with the rock. The Bulls grind, and even though the defense wasn’t great on the whole, they looked great in spots. Butler’s work on Melo was surprising and important. Lin was not shut down, but he was limited as the Bulls dared him to dribble with his left hand all night.

The Heat crush opponents with flashy play, the Bulls pound opponents into submission with tough defense and #1 shredding defenses.

Something’s gotta give tonight.

Pregame Music

[youtube http://youtu.be/2Q9WDaCVDe8]

Yeah, basketball is usually associated with Hip-Hop/Rap, but Bulls/Heat sounds like metal to me. I can imagine a mash up of LBJ/Rose highlights set to this track for some reason. I feel like it fits.

What To Pay Attention To

• What do the Bulls do when LBJ guards Rose? Who is the second option with the gimpy unit they are running out there?
• Deng and his wrist. How will it affect his defense and his shot. He can be deadly from the mid range, and if it’s hurting him badly, it could spell disaster for the Bulls.
• Will Boozer get anything going towards the rim tonight? He’s the ultimate wildcard in all of this. If he can manage to have a decent stretch against the Heat, it could mean the difference between winning and losing. He’s in love with the fade away, and it needs to stop.
• Will the Bulls use zone? We know it’s somewhat effective against the Heat, but Thibs doesn’t use it often. Theory is that Thibs wants to limit the tape the Heat have on the Bulls zone D, and Thibs generally doesn’t use zone anyway.
• What’s LBJ up to in the 4th quarter? Is he being passive and deferential? Is he slinking in the corner, letting Wade carry the offensive workload? What’s underrated about LeBron is his clutch defense. He’s a bulldog on the defensive end.
• What the hell is Thibs gonna pull out of his ass this time? The Knicks game was a coaching clinic with the cross match ups on offense and defense. Thibs is maximizing his roster in very interesting ways lately. He’s turning in another solid year as a coach.
• Will the Bulls stop taking quick shots early in the shot clock? This is an issue against a team that loves to run, like Miami. Married to this point are the turnovers. The Bulls need to value the basketball to win this game. If they don’t it can get ugly.

The Edges

PG – Rose v. Chalmers

This ain’t close. Rose is clearly better than Chalmers offensively, and is fairly close to him defensively. Rose doesn’t get the steals that Mario does, but he plays the type of defense Thibs requires of him. Chalmers is a fine NBA PG, but he’s not on the level that Rose is. The Bulls have the clear edge here.

SG – Brewer v. Wade

Brewer is a decent defender. He has good length and he’s quick on his feet. He won’t shut Wade down, I don’t think, but he should be able to do yeoman’s work on him. I don’t expect Wade to have a big night, but he’s still dangerous when he wants to be. Brewer needs to find offense to close the gap. His game is inconsistent at best. There have been stretches where his 3 pt. shot looks solid, and then the arc on his ball goes flat and he can’t buy a bucket. Brewer is a solid finisher, but he’s no Wade. The Heat have a clear edge here.

SF – Deng v. James

Deng’s hurt. I don’t know how it will affect his defense, but we’ve seen what it can do to his jumpshot. The wrist is a serious concern, and you have to wonder how much he’ll want to test it against 275 lbs of LBJ. I think they have to force the ball Wade’s way early in the game if they can. Somehow. It’s unlikely, but it’s a thought. James is an absolute match up nightmare. He can defend all 5 positions on the floor, against the Lakers he went from defending Gasol, to Bynum, to Kobe. That’s ridiculous and scary. The Heat have a huge edge here.

PF – Boozer v. Bosh

Lord Boozington sucks defensively. This is not breaking news. I would put Jo on Bosh and let Boozer flail at Haslem for 25ish minutes and let Taj do the dirty work. Boozer needs to get moving to the basket more often, that jumpshot is going to get swatted by James more often than not. If Booze gets hot, James will guard him. I don’t see it happening, Boozer has difficulty guarding anything, and his offense struggles against height and size. And talent, can’t forget that he does poorly against talent. Bosh is enigmatic, but he can still put up good numbers offensively. The Heat have an edge here.

C – Noah v. Haslem

Noah is back to being the loveable grinder that we grew to appreciate. I wasn’t sure about him when he was drafted, but he changed my mind. Haslem looks much better without the braids, his game is funky, but all he needs to be is a solid interior defender and a sometimes offensive option. Noah is better, but if Haslem gets hot, it creates a problem. Noah can only guard one person at a time, and Boozer can’t guard a damn thing. The Bulls have the edge here.

Bench – The Bench Mob v. The Extras From Miami Vice

You know, the Miami bench is actually better this year. Battier is a good addition, Mike Miller is playing better, Norris Cole was a fine draft pick, but the Bulls bench is still better. The gap has closed a bit in this department, and it’s closer still with Watson hurt and Korver losing his jumper for spots, but this is still an edge for the Bulls. If Deng can’t play heavy minutes, the Bulls bench will be tested to the max. Korver and Brewer are not an effective defensive tandem. Jimmy Butler had a good game against the Knicks, but he’s still a relatively unknown commodity. Asik will be huge, ditto with Taj in this game.

Synopsis And Predicted Outcome

The Bulls are underdogs in this match up. The Heat have the better starters, and depth only matters so much. The Bulls will have to play a brilliant defensive game to win tonight. The offense needs to find easy buckets somehow, and it’s clearly not coming through Boozer. Rose can get to the rack, but for some reason he’s hesitant to do so against the Heat. Miami has a real ass team now, and it’s going to be hard to win this game. I do predict a Heat win, but it’s not impossible for the Bulls. In the regular season, funny things can happen. If the Bulls win, it won’t change much. Ditto if they lose. Perhaps they can find some confidence in beating this team, but it’s more of a hope than anything. I hope they win, I hope Boozer gets his head out of his ass, I hope Deng escapes with his health and I hope Rose gets over his “fear” of the Heat.

It’s gonna be a bitch though.