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Ten years ago today AI gave us this gem.
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Hey there folks, we’re looking for your email questions for this week’s podcast episode, which we will be recording on Sunday. Topics we are discussing include the following:
In this weeks episode we round up MLB, talk a little Ozzie, wonder aloud if the White Sox are for real, get a little touch and go with the Marlins uniform, we realize that almost no Cubs fans were ready for this season, discuss some Blackhawk hockey, bitch about the Heat, talk some Bulls, and we bring up our Top Ten Scrubs.
[audio http://awmr01.podbean.com/mf/web/xbqf92/Episode012.mp3]
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In today’s episode we introduce King Troll, Tony Leva (short-e), we talk some Tim Tebow to the Jets, Manning to the Broncos, call Skip Bayless an asshole, talk some Bulls, we talk some Blackhawk Hockey, wonder where Jack Haley went, we demand Tim Duncan to play DnD with us, we look at the Cubs/Sox seasons, and we reveal the top 10 pitchers in Chicago history.
Skip: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH TRADITIONAL POINT GUARD BLAH BLAH BLAH BULLS BETTER WITH JLIII MOVING BALL BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH TEBOW SLURP SLURP BLAH BLAH BLAH
Other guy: CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH YOU ARE CRAZY CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH YOU’RE STUPID CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH LET’S MAKE OUT CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH CONTRARIANBLAH
Skip: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH DERRICK ROSE ISN’T SPECIAL BL-
THIBS: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
THIBS: FUCK THIS MOTHERFUCKER I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE WITH THE FUCKING PASSION OF A THOUSAND MOTHERFUCKING SUNS!
Random Floozy: Don’t you have a game today?
THIBS: AAAHHHHHHH HH FUCK THE THUNDER!
THIBS: FUCKING ICE!
THIBS: FUCKING TIME OUT!
THIBS: FUCKING DEFEND!
THIBS: FUCKING ROTATE!
THIBS: FUCKING STOP FUCKING SHOOTING YOU FUCKING “DISTRIBUTOR!”
THIBS: FUCKING ICE CAN I GET SOME MOTHERFUCKING ICE IN THIS BITCH!
THIBS: I DON’T NEED FUCKING SLEEPING TIPS I NEED ICE MOTHERFUCKER!
Vanilla Ice: Uh that was actually Rip V-
Rip Hamilton: Me?
THIBS: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, TRY NOT TO BREAK YOURSELF ON YOUR WAY TO THE FUCKING BENCH YOU FUCKING ELIJIAH PRICE WANNABE! FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMIC BOOK GIVING MOTHER YOU FUCK!
Rip: …dude, it-
THIBS: GODMOTHER FUCKING DAMNIT IIIIIIIIICCCCCEEEE!!!!!!! TIMEFUCKINGOUTTIMEFUCKINGOUTTIMEMOTHERFUCKINGOUT!
Lord Boozington: My good man, is there something the matter? I deduce that you are, how shall I put it, rather distressed at our lackluster performance currently. Tell me good sir, whate-
THIBS: SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I DONKEY FUCKING PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE YOU SPRAYPAINT WEARING NO-ROTATING FADEAWAY JUMPSHOT SHOOTING FUCKSTICK! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES ARE WE GOING TO FUCKING LET THAT LITTLE FUCKING SHIT GET INTO THE FUCKING PAINT AND SHIT ALL OVER US YOU LITTLE FUCKS! WESTBROOK IS FUCKING TAKING YOUR FUCKING LUNCH FUCKOS, THAT ASSHOLE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FUCKING PASS, HE FUCKING GETS FUCKING ASSISTS BY FUCKING ACCIDENT! THE ONLY FUCKING TIME THE BALL LEAVES HIS POSSESSION IS WHEN HE FUCKING PASSES TO LOSE HIS GUY AND NEVER GETS IT BACK! THAT FUCKER DOESN’T EVEN PASS IT TO ARGUABLY THE BEST FUCKING PLAYER IN THE FUCKING LEAGUE YOU FUCKERS!
Ninja Turtle: You know I can hear you from here right?
THIBS: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU KNOW IT’S FUCKING TRUE!
Omer: Pekala durağı, İşbirliği ve dinle Buz benim yeni buluş ile geri döndü
THIBS ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU FUCKING SPEAK IT?
Omer: Dans, Bum hoparlör acele olduğunu bomları
Ben zehirli bir mantar gibi beynini öldürüyorum
Deadly, Uyuşturucu bir melodi çaldığı zaman
En iyi şey daha az bir suç
Onu sev ya terk et, sen daha iyi bir yol kazanmak
Daha iyi vurmaktır, çocuk oynamak istemiyorum
Bir sorun olsaydı, Yo, ben çözeceğim bunu
Benim DJ döner iken kanca Check out
Capt. Skittles: I think coach is trying to say that you guys suck right now. You can’t wee-un like that.
THIBS: FUCKING RIGHT ASSHOLES! WHAT HEART AND SOUL SAID, YOU FUCKERS AREN’T DEFENDING SHIT AND YOU’RE GETTING RUN ON THE BOARDS, THAT FUCKING NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS YOU FUCkiiiinn-
Noah: Uh, coach?
Lord Boozington: Sir?
White Mamba: Yo whitey!
Capt. Skittles: Guys…just let it happen.
Random Assistant: Here you go Lu, here’s that ice pack
Lt. Deng: Thanks man.
Lt. Deng: awww shit
by Mauricio Rubio Jr.
Email: mr@99sportsproblems.com
Twitter: MRubio52
The Chicago Bulls have amassed a rather impressive record without their star recently, showing the trademark determination that has made them a force in the regular season over the past 2 seasons. It’s been an odd year, and most teams have been bit by the weird season bug. The Heat have lost big in back to back games; the Knicks went through their odd mid season crisis when Melo came back to play with Lin, Vinny’s Clippers hit a mid-season mire that might cost him his job. All in all, teams have gone through slumps and at various points their local medias have hit the panic button.
I guess it’s Chicago’s turn.
The Bulls got drubbed by a faster, more willing Denver team which came after the Bulls barely escaped with a win against Toronto (thank you Deng). After an 8-0 run to start the game the Bulls were outscored 108-83. Usually this is a game where Derrick Rose comes in to completely bail you out or does enough to keep it close. As well as Lucas and Watson have played of late, Rose has a tendency to control the tempo. He understands what pace the Bulls need to play to be successful, and regardless of what out-of-town-stupid talking head says about his game, the ball moves better when Rose is out there.
That’s what it looks like when Rose isn’t out there to bail you out. Anyone that is mitigating the importance of Rose to this team because they’ve shown great determination in winning without him is delusional. Deng is hurt, and his shot is pretty much done for the season. Rip Hamilton will likely never be healthy this year. Brewer is inconsistent offensively. Noah has an ugly jumpshot that does go in sometimes, but he gets to passive on defense sometimes. I’m taller than John Lucas III.
Let me break some news here, the Bulls need Derrick Rose if they want to do anything significant. Don’t listen to the bullshit arguments about him not being a true point or whatever people want to say to be controversial. Understand that Rose is the best player on the floor most nights and that the Bulls won 6 rings without a traditional point guard before, and they can do so again. The best players in this league have the ball. Basketball is a sport where you can do that relatively easy and on a consistent basis.
The Bulls have designed an offense where the point guard carries the scoring load, yet Rose was still at 8 APG on the nose. I can’t believe that I have to sit here and type that Derrick Rose makes his team better, but damnit people, stop listening to stupid and understand that Rose makes his team better. The myth that the Bulls move the ball better without Rose started most likely with Skip Bayless, and it’s been growing some odd support as detractors pointed to the Bulls record and their win over the Heat as proof that they’re better without Rose
Stop being stupid.
What you need to understand is that Tommy Thibs is the best damn coach in the game, he should win his second Coach of the Year award. His end of game substitution patterns have been masterwork all year long. He’s unafraid to bench the highest paid players on the team if they aren’t performing and his defensive teachings have turned the Bulls into a juggernaut defense. It’s impressive when it’s on.
There’s only so much energy you can expend in a game before it starts catching up to you. The Bulls have grinded out maximum effort wins lately, but last night the Nuggets beat the shit out of them. We all need Rose to come back healthy, because the playoffs are looming and this team can’t be exhausted then.
If you had told me that LeBron James would be helping trap John Lucas III in late, critical possessions I would have made a bad joke referencing the absurdity of that statement and then I would have punched you straight in the face. All Brandon Marshall like.
The Chicago Bulls just plain outworked the Miami Heat en route to an improbable 106-102 victory. They did it with the reigning MVP on the bench too. I have to be honest, I was…less than optimistic about this game.
A pg by any other name does not smell just as sweet. No Rose sucks.
I might have to stay away from the Internet for awhile.
On my way towards drunken anger.
But I’ll be damned if those underdog assholes didn’t prove me wrong. It did take a remarkably efficient night by the most unlikely hero. We know him by many names, the Third, Carlton, LeBron’s hurdle, but for today we can simply address him as “Giant Slayer.”
Suck on that, you dancing assholes. This dudes doppelganger just whupped your ass.
How crazy was Carlton’s night? He doubled Bosh’s point production while taking 3 fewer shots. John Lucas III was 9-12 for 24 points. That’s clownshoes ridiculous. The degree of difficulty on his shots seemed to increase as the game wore on too. Lucas had open looks to start the game, he started 4-4 and mixed in a few threes when he first came off the bench.
He also did this.
The Heat’s interior defense was porous to start, the Bulls designed plays and took advantage of lazy rotation on the inside and did yeoman’s work inside the paint. Luol Deng played the warrior once again as LeBron was taking every chance he could to slap at Luol’s gimpy wrist. The total team effort by the Bulls was greater than the individual efforts of Wade and LeBron.
It seems that the Thibs gameplan was to single cover Wade and LeBron and shut down the help. James and Wade had big nights, 35-5-4 for LeBron, 36-7-1 for Wade, but the rest of the Heat seemed to be spectators. They combined to score only 31 points. Bosh in particular had a rough night. He was 3-15 and if not for some bailout calls, his point production would have cratered by an even deeper margin.
And then there was that 4th quarter thing with LeBron again. James was outscored by another James in the final frame. The Heat designed plays that used LeBron as a decoy twice in the closing seconds to get an open look for noted superstar, James Jones. LeBron didn’t show up on the screen on the offensive end in the 4th, doing nothing to help the unfortunate reputation he has built up for himself. Wade closed the gap and kept the Heat close, leaving the door open just a crack, but James was noticeably absent for most of the quarter. He did have a great steal on an ill advised pass, but for the most part he was invisible in the closing minutes.
So what can you take from last nights game? What does it all mean? It’s a confirmation of what we’ve believed from the start. The Heat have Talent (yeah, capital T talent, it’s that good) on their side, the Bulls have heart on theirs. This isn’t to say that the Bulls lack talent, rather it means that for the Bulls to beat the Heat, they’ll need to outwork them in every phase of the game like they did tonight. The defense was superb. The Bulls won the rebounding battle. The Bulls limited the bad shots early in the shot clock. LeBron disappeared in the 4th quarter. Wade hit tough shots. Bosh Boshed.
Offensive patience will help the Bulls, and while they are still the underdogs in what should be an eventual rematch in the ECF, there is some hope to be gleaned from this game.
It can be done.
And Fuck LeBron.
LOL
Tony Leva
captaingonzo
jaydreezy
Mat Festa
Matthew Kohl
Mauricio Rubio Jr.
Raul Parra
Shelley Elaine
spike1057
Terry Carlton
Chicago, A Drinking Town With A Sports Problem 